tratakkaaism

I just finished my last Dove Amicelli chocolate I painstakingly brought back from Vienna ): I bought it at a BP petrol station near our hotel on the third last day ):

That reminds me, I broke my promise about updating about the trip lol. Maybe this weekend or next week when the J2s get our study leave from school :)

Zhiwen and I couldn’t stop laughing about the cowbell today. Not a good idea to listen to recordings in the library, haha :D

I can’t believe I was SO energetic today with only 2 hours of sleep last night. (So much for not going for lessons eh) Yet another late night tonight..

CAN’T WAIT TO START SWIMMING AND RUNNING AGAIN OMG.

If you want to have finals then don’t bother annoucing scores or awards during the semi-finals. It’s just bull. And it’ll be greatly appreciated if you could revamp your Rules and Regulations as well as Penalty marks. That’s more than just bull.

ACSI Band, I’m really proud of you all! No matter what the results were, you all know you guys were the best :) I’m so proud you guys went so far in the competition being the only band with purely school students! You all did your best and Dr Lee is happy so don’t be upset okay? Lets be proud of ACS Bands together :) Rest well and see you guys at FOA! :)

I’m really glad that I was able to be there for them yesterday.

What should we say?
Don’t say anthing. Just hug them.

And of course I’m really glad we could lend them our Chinese Hand Gong Stick (on the day of their comp!) when theirs was about to break. All of the ACJC Band people on my side were on the edge of our seats when it was ACSI Band on stage. My heart was racing when the music started all the way till they finished their performance. It almost leaped out when the 2nd and 3rd runners-up were announced. And then when the concert finally ended (like damn late) Mel and I frantically ran down to look for them. Hugs, handshakes, pats on their backs.. We shared their sorrow like how they shared ours 2 nights ago. Went back to school with them on their bus and had supper at Swensen’s with a huge group of 20. Went home around 2.30AM.

Are you very sad now?
I am more proud than sad.

Our hearts our hopes our aims are one,
No discord e’er will sever.
We’ll stand together for the cause
Of ACS forever.

Sing ACS forever more, Our ACS forever.
God save our land and Heaven bless,
Our ACS forever.

I knew the day would come when I would receive a Silver. (Thought that would happen in Jungfrau but no, it just had to be at SIBF.) I’ve been getting Gold (and with Honours once) all my life, it feels really terrible to get Silver, especially at this point of time when I am stepping down from ACJC Band.

We were awesome on stage. We knew that, Dr Lee knew that, the audience knew that. But I guess not awesome enough?

We made music. Like never before. Our old man was smiling like he couldn’t stop. I felt so happy playing on stage. So happy to be performing.

And then the world ended when the table of scores were released. 86.29%, Silver, 5th placing. We missed the finals by 2.85% (which is quite a lot).

I promised myself I wouldn’t cry in front of ACSI or any other band for that matter, but when I talked to Mr and Mrs Khoo and Dr Lee Li Eng, I couldn’t take it anymore and broke down. All our seniors, teachers, trip VIPs and everyone.. We dashed their hopes that they pinned on us just like that. Everyone who put their faith in us, I let them down. And now I can’t face anyone anymore. I’m sure many of us feel the same way. I feel terrible especially because of this and I couldn’t stop crying all the way back to school on the bus and in school. My eye bled when I got home. (I’m not crying just because we got silver, fullstop. Don’t console me anymore if you don’t know why I am so upset and how broken I am feeling inside.. You won’t know if you’re not a J2 QM or a close friend.) Today I thought of the movie PS. I love you (watched it on the airplane to Istanbul) and I really felt like the girl who lost her husband. After getting Silver it just feels.. terrible. I feel like I’m in mourning. And it’s not just me. I guess we are all going through an emotional crisis.

Guys, I really hope we can accept this Silver with dignity no matter how terrible we are all feeling now. I know all of us are feeling like, so much for getting Gold and Top Band in Europe, right? But I don’t want our band to be a bunch of sore losers cursing and swearing just because we didn’t get what we deserved in Singapore. I know it is hard, even for myself I am struggling to get over the fact that just by getting Silver, even when it wasn’t what we deserved, we have let so many people down. But for me and several other people, I have never seen our old man look so happy on stage before. I have never seen him dance and jump and conduct so happily and smile throughout the entire three pieces before. (Well he did in Jungfrau, but yesterday was Europe times ten.) And this feeling of euphoria will be deeply etched in my mind.. The feeling of making real, pure music with Dr Lee. Standing up on stage in smiles, facing the audience feeling so proud of the red-blue-gold crest on my blazer, rushing off stage (because of the time limit haha) and feeling faint and weak in the legs (first time I felt so faint after a performance!) but super super happy. Dr Lee shouting for tissue because his eyes were hurting from all his sweat from conducting (saw it get into his eyes during Charming Asia) and everybody laughing about how the hall was leaking and water was dripping onto the stage. No matter what it was, we made our old man happy, very very happy. And I’m really happy and grateful that we did it :) Like some say, a band can’t peak twice in a month, and it won’t be fair if we got Gold twice. So let us accept this Silver as part of us because it’s reality, but at the same time we all know in our hearts we truly made music last night, and we made Dr Lee happy.

ACJC Concert Band, you will remain in my heart forever. These 2 years have been crazy and awesome, and I will never ever regret joining this band. You are my life and without you I am nothing. Thank you for the tons of wonderful memories from Muse’s, SYF, concerts, Swiss trip and everything. You are the band that I fell in love with even before I joined, and you are the band that I will always love despite all odds. And in my heart, and many of our hearts, ACJC Concert Band will always be the best.

<3

ACSI Band, I’m really glad and proud that you guys got gold (the only one yesterday!) and are in the finals. I’ll be watching you guys get top tomorrow! Practice hard and do the ACS Band family proud. We know you guys can do it and we’ll be supporting you guys all the way! If you guys feel upset or awkward, don’t be. We are family, and we will support you guys no matter what. Even if both our bands got into finals, we will want either one of us to win. Because we are all part of ACS band. Which is why you guys must kickass tmr :) I think quite a lot of ACJC Band people are gonna be there so yes! All of us want ACSI to win. Please don’t feel unhappy or affected by us, we will deal with our own sorrow. Play well and enjoy yourselves tomorrow! Bring the Gold and Top Band back home :)

I told Pris I’m going to blog an emo post tonight because I know, tmr I will be too happy to post anything emo. So for tonight, I shall remember how it feels like to be Silver :)

PS. Oh yeah, creepy fact. In NBC 2006, Mus’Art got Gold with 85.29%. Grading is definitely different but I think it’s freaky to be receiving the exact same score plus one, 2 years down the road with another band in another competition. Maybe I am destined to get this score lor.

I think it’s not just me who’s feeling numb. But anyway. What a cliche feeling right?

How can you be unaffected? I’m not saying you are, but. Nevermind. I am very affected. That’s all. But for now I’m just numb. It’ll be good if it stays that way. Sorry.

Thanks but no thanks. Really.

It brings me great joy when I can love and care for the people who are important to me. Be it giving, serving, loving.. All the small little things that I can do for them make me happy. And it’s awesome when these important people love and care for me too. But I’ve realised, with great pain and perhaps shock, that sometimes I am really too naive. The people who are important to me don’t always see me as someone important to them too. And it hurts like mad when this truth surfaces.. I’ve learnt this during the trip and after the trip. I couldn’t stop crying during one of the tours in Innsbruck as well as in Salzburg, and I couldn’t sleep on one of the nights before school. Yes, I know I am childish, I am really naive and dumb to think that everything is always happy and perfect. Up to this point in my life, I guess I am really damn stupid to have thought that I would be someone you felt was important to you. While blogging about the trip, I wanted to write this at the end of my post but I guess since I haven’t posted it and now that I’m talking about this, I’ll just say it here. 你的眼中根本没有我. No idea why I’m using Chinese but yeah. I was really heartbroken that day, and even though I should have known that would happen, I couldn’t believe how true it really was. And the other incident, no matter how terrible the misunderstanding was, I can’t believe that you didn’t even think about my situation. Yes, you have to right to do what you want, to do what you think is right, but I really wish you knew how I felt given my situation, afterall, we have had been travelling together for almost a week already. Really wish you noticed. But nevertheless, I will still love and care for you even though I am a nobody to you, because you are still one of the most important people of all to me. Lastly, like I said, I’m very affected. Didn’t see it coming and didn’t expect such a huge reaction. I am in no position to argue back anymore, so I shall just accept the truth as it is and pay the price that I have to pay. (If you are reading, I am still sorry.)

-

‘eh, you know ah, just now i was so tired, i just went to the bleachers alone and slept like a loser!’
- gladys heng

HAHAHAHAHA that got me laughing the whole day yesterday :D

I can’t wait to blog about the Band trip! This weekend, I promise :)

I’m pretty excited about tomorrow! SIBF! :D Tomorow I’ll be competing with 2 bands that I consider family – ACSI and Mus’Art. Which is actually weird? I don’t know. It doesn’t feel very much different with ACSI since we’ve participated in various competitions together and even held concerts together but it’s a pretty fresh feeling with Mus’Art. Back in NBC 2006, I played with Mus’Art in Open Category while Crescent competed in 2nd Cat or something, and it didn’t feel that weird (cause I just graduated from Crescent Band), but now it’s both ACJC Band and Mus’Art in Open Category, which feels really different! (Like competing against myself? Haha.) It’s been almost 6 months since I’ve last seen or heard them, and I didn’t attend the Andalucia concert either cause Muse was on the following day. Gosh, I really miss Mr and Mrs Chua a lot, as well as my section and the MRT khakis. What a totally different life I am living right now without Mus’Art. And tomorrow, we’re all competing together! :D I’m really excited cause it’s gonna be so interesting and I can’t wait to see Mus’Art on stage too! It’s gonna be an awesome day tomorrow :D

Plus! It’s Mrs Chua’s birthday tomorrow!!! :D Happy Birthday Mrs Chua! <3 What a stressful birthday it must be, going for competition with MWO on your very own day! Miss you a lot a lot alot and hope to see you tomorrow :D

SIBF, here we come :)