tratakkaaism

I can’t stand corporate working people who reserve tables at a decent restaurant using tissue paper. It’s such a damned shame on Singapore’s society.

Read:

• Corporate working people
• Decent restaurant (IKEA cafe, that’s a restaurant already)
• Reserving tables using tissue paper

Firstly, you guys are corporate working people. Which means mature adults who have minds which can think. For goodness’ sake, you guys are well into your 20’s or 30’s, you should have attained some level of MANNERS right. You guys didn’t even put anything on the table I sat at, only to come back from buying lunch and telling me to go away cause you CHOPED the table already.

Secondly, reserving tables using tissue paper is reserved for aunties. Only aunties should behave that way. Can’t believe one of the GUYS told me to go away.

Thirdly, reserving tables using tissue paper only happens in hawker centres and markets. Ladies and gentlemen, you are in a restaurant. Put at least your wallet or phone so someone can steal it and you will finally realise how RUDE you really are. Better alternatives include a book, a bag, or writing a suggestion to IKEA to create flashcards for every table which say “I’m available/I’m reserved’, something like Marche.

The best solution I offer is to ask one of the many of you to sit there and shoo people like me away, saying with the least bit of manners you can squeeze out of your rude selves that which tables are already taken, while asking another one of the many of you to help buy lunch. Ordering food, helping to pay first (I said FIRST) and carrying the food back won’t kill you. Doing good deeds can help you improve your karma. Or someone might do a good deed back to you. Is it that difficult to ask for a favour from your colleagues, which I presume to be your friends? Unless your company is all messed up with politics, I doubt you would get a ‘no’ from any one of them. Why are ALL of you so freaking selfish that you must go and by your OWN food YOURSELF? Trying to show off that you’re independent? Or maybe you just want to stick together like a bumch of inseparable bimbo girls.

Shame on corporate working people. Shame shame shame.

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The weekend’s here. (Kinda) finally.

Everyday has a tinge of boredom and tiredness to it. I’m semi-employed to be optimistic, semi-unemployed to be pessimistic. My work starts next school term and I’ve nothing to do (not literally) everyday besides giving tuition, going for electone lesson, my work training, Japanese class, Mus’art practice. I’ve given up looking for a job cause nobody would want a temp worker for 2 weeks at odd hours. So it’s just sleeping late, waking up early, sometimes watching movies, TV, surfing the web, meeting friends, blah. Tuition is good money but I am grappling with my schedule. I have three Primary 4s and all of them are twice a week, 1.5 hours so that’s 9 hours of tuition per week plus travel time (and fares). 2 of them are having thrice a week for the past couple of weeks cause of CA1 so that’s a few more hours. Plus my rates are so low for so many hours. Sad life. I want less primary school tuition, more secondary school tuition. (Less hours, more money. Serious.) But I haven’t gotten any secondary school assignments and I won’t know how to tell my P4 kids if I were to stop tutoring them. Sigh. Hopefully I’ll enjoy my work next term.

Sometimes I hurt myself without knowing. It’s kinda like paying someone to hurt you. I hate it.

My closest 2 friends.

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Just returned from performing with Crescent alumni and main band at the Esplanade. Guess this is coming pretty late considering I’ve played with alumni for more than 2 years now but yeah, it feels different. Playing with alumni feels different from playing with your own batch of band mates. Guess I never really cared about how playing with Crescent alumni felt like cause it didn’t matter much to me, I just wanted to be part of Crescent band again or rather, for as long as possible, cause I enjoyed my 4 years while I was in there. And I never really bothered about how playing with ACSWO felt like during Reverie cause I wasn’t alumni yet. But I do now.

Never again will I get to experience the music I did when I was in Crescent band for those 4 years. Never again will I experience the music I did when I was in AC band for those 2 years. Never again will I experience what I have experienced before, happy times, sad times, concerts, competitions, awards, trips.. It will never come back. Maybe it didn’t matter much for Crescent but it does for AC. I miss AC band. Everyone says that. But it’s not the AC band right now that I miss. I miss the AC Band of 07-08.

Life back then.. Tiring, dull or difficult as it might have been, I still enjoyed it. The music, the people, the band itself. Those times. I really miss them. Somehow the first Muse I performed in was really memorable to me, probably cause it was my first concert with AC band and stupid Mingxuan dumped 1st parts on me for every song except Phantom of the Opera and Roman Fest. Everything was difficult to play, every piece was a challenge, but I was really happy I managed it. Festive Overture, Tosca, Roman Festival.. They were really nice pieces. SYF, Roman Fest, slogging our guts out for practice.. and a rewarding Gold with Honours. I won’t ever forget that feeling. The second Muse was memorable in a semi-negative way, judging how I messed up on my first concert as a Head QM, almost losing a clarinet, when it was actually with one of my own section mates. But Scheherazade and GR for Clarinets made up most of the memories. Life as Exco wasn’t easy, there were ups and downs.. But I enjoyed it anyway. Then came JC Band Fest, One ACS Christmas Concert, and in no time, my third Muse. So many nice pieces, a few not too appealing, yet playing with others/our own family/by ourselves, all were fun to me. More and more memories, achievements, setbacks, hurt. Playing for Reverie was fun too. Time flies, my fourth Muse and last concert came, and I really, really, really enjoyed it. In less than 24 hours, we were to fly miles away from home to Europe for the next 2 weeks. I will never forget this trip, every single detail, every thing we experienced together, every emotion I felt. Jungfrau, Tops and Gold; Salzburg and Vienna church halls. I had the time of my life there, with that group of people, with the music we brought. It was probably the most enjoyable trip I ever went on, but it was also the very trip that cost me so much emotional torment for my entire J2 life. Stress from school and home dangerously threatened my going on this trip, and there were many times I wanted to give up.. But I stayed on and managed to go. I don’t regret the trip, neither do I regret any concerts, competitions or being in Exco. I don’t regret Band, but I do regret the time I’ve wasted due to my own lack of discipline. Sometimes I wish things could have worked out differently, if I had been stricter with myself, but unfortunately with the unreasonable authority crushing me every possible moment, I couldn’t, I remained defiant and adamant, rejecting ‘help’ and yet trying so hard to help myself in vain. Perhaps I was stupid, blinded by anger and hurt, but what’s past has gone, I made my own decision so I’ll face the consequences. Guess only my classmates and close friends will understand what that whole chunk of bs was about. Moving on, we came back to our homeland glorious, but in a week we were defeated in some form of injustice, and I shall not delve into details to prevent blackmail or supposed lack of sportsmanship. Band life slowly faded away as my batch slid into Prelims, played for smaller and less performances, passed on our duties to the juniors.. And for me, it seems to have come to a complete halt. Although I’ve played for Crescent alumni and go for Mus’art practice weekly, the Band in my life doesn’t seem to be.. alive. The music isn’t alive anymore. Sometimes it’s the standard of the pieces that make me uninterested or unmotivated to play well, sometimes it’s the people around me, sometimes it’s the conductor. I am so unmotivated and impatient with my current Band life. Where are the difficult and challenging pieces that gave me such thrill to be able to play well? Where are the people I love? Where is the conductor I learnt so much from? What is the point of playing in a band when the pieces are unmotivatingly (I don’t want to say this) easy, the people are foreign strangers, the conductor whom I don’t even know? Do I even belong? Do I want to belong? Where is the Band I lived for?

I really miss ACJC Concert Band 07-08. Seniors of 07, Batchmates of 08, Juniors of 09. Whoever is reading, I miss us.

For some reason I am emo-ing about AC band after having left for such a long time (and not blogged about trip nor leaving band since), at such an unearthly hour. It just feels strongly nostalgic as an alumni.

I saw a pair of pumps at Tangs with a huge square of shiny light yellow plastic on top which looks like a slice of cheese.

I don’t know why I don’t feel like blogging these days. Hmm.

Been quite busy with tuitions and stuff. It’s quite scary to prepare a kid for an exam. Now I know how my tuition teachers felt :\

Fat stray cat near my tuition kid’s house + my fat hand

Talking about cats, a new neighbour just moved in and they have 3 cats. Pretty :D

Congratulations to you-know-who-you-are! :D Whee!!

Yay! Desperate Housewives S5 tomorrow :)

Sundaysundaysundaysundaysunday! I want Sunday here now! <3

Saying Goodbye isn’t easy.

Tutoring kids who treat you like a maid isn’t very motivating.

Teaching simple rhythm to juniors who aren’t interested in band isn’t encouraging at all.

It’s so funny how I am so damn tired out now as an unemployed slacker compared to when I was slogging my guts off doing saikang admin. Ha. Ha. Ha.

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Tired Monday. Sad Tuesday. Sad Wednesday. Angry Thursday. Frustrated Thursday. Really really sad Thursday. Tired Friday. Really tired Sunday.

Happy Saturday.

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rainbow amidst dark clouds

my vice principal office :) heh

my new night light/bed lamp from ikea :)

<3

My heart…

Heavy

Sour

Frustrated

Sad

Hurt

Why does it become worse each day. I feel like I’m dying.

Contrary to the job-shit last week, while I’m supposed to be having fun, enjoying my unemployment this week… This is probably the most difficult week of ‘09 so far.

I hope I can cry my stupid eye infection away.

…you robbed me of my everything.

Here I am, sitting in the unused Vice Principal’s office, drinking a cup of Marks and Spencers Instant Mocha, eating mochi and filing Secondary 3 student particulars into confidential pupil’s records. I’m Googletalking to Julie the receptionist who’s less than 10 steps away and watching a show on mysoju. And my assistant is sitting across me, doing likewise except without a computer. (Heh.)

Life’s good like this.

Everything’s finally settled. No more irritating calls from employers-to-be denying my leave, no work tomorrow, no more bloody rigid contract. A new job and training waiting for me, potential jobs in the near future (timetabling again in March hols), something to look forward to next week :) What an emotional roller coaster..

Whatever it is, I will miss this job.. I will miss this office. Thanks for 4 weeks of fun, Fairfield.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m really okay. Lying to myself didn’t turn out to be as easy as I thought it would be.

Nothing much makes me happy these days. As in, the really truly happy kind of happy. It’s not 嬉しい I want, it’s 幸せ. It’s very different.

I feel that very little people understand me. Very few understand what I’m going through. I know they have good intentions, but this isn’t how friendships work you know. The way they act sometimes makes me wonder if they really cared. (Then again, maybe our friendships were just meant to be like this. It’s kinda painful to think that way but I guess nothing else works.)

Work is pissing the hell out of me. My schedule is jam-packed thanks to the recent audition, work, tuitions, lessons and a whole load of unnecessary shit. Indeed I like my job, I like giving tuition to my China girl and naughty boy, I like going for Japanese lessons. But there’s so much more shit coming with the new job(s), I’m so sick and tired with dealing with demanding employers-TO-BE. I wonder how much tolerance I have, and I wonder if it would be wise to let my defiance rule this weekend. I wouldn’t like to make a mess out of it, but since the occasion calls for it, I guess it can’t be helped. Each day I face more and more problems, and I really don’t like to make these kinds of choices.. It makes me really frustrated and confused. I have been stressed out and tired for the past week or so, and it is really taxing on my emotions. I am physically tired and mentally frustrated. My general office staff asked why I looked pale/tired/sick/sad for a whole day and told me to go home if I wasn’t feeling well. A facial promoter said I must be sleeping really late and facing lots of stress to have such bad skin. I’ve stopped smiling. People around me can sense there’s something wrong with me. If that’s not a problem, I wonder what that is.

I want a break.

No, I am not going to be understanding. If I don’t get what I want, I have all the right to reject your freaking job cause I am not freaking obliged to work for you since I haven’t signed your bloody contract. Just. Freaking get off my back.